Disclaimer: I’m 23. I’m very newly married. I’m just trying to figure out what life and marriage are all about and I have a lot of thoughts that I like to share with all of you. I don’t claim to have all the answers and I don’t even claim that my opinion is correct – that’s why it’s an opinion, not a fact. I hope that through this blog I can find at least a few people who can relate to what I’m going through and everyone, whether you agree with me or not, can appreciate my vulnerability in sharing my heart. Thanks for reading!
I have read two blogs in the last two days that have both convicted me of the same thing and caused me to do some serious thinking. Two awesome women and moms that I am blessed to know – Jackie Kirsche and Ronda Pipa – both posted blogs about where our focus lies. Mrs. Kirsche’s blog focused more on what she calls “The List,” which is the list of things you think have to be accomplished in a certain amount of time. (Link to the blog at the bottom of the page) I make a list every single day. I get joy from checking things off and I feel like I can’t go to sleep until everything is accomplished. It is not necessarily a bad thing that I have a list or like to be productive, but it does become a problem when I start focusing so much on the things I need to get done that I stop focusing on the people around me and investing in their lives. Mrs. Kirsche says that we need to slow down our lives in order to love others well – and, really, to have enough time to love them well.
The blog Ronda posted talked more specifically about the order (or disorder) of the home, especially when you have children. It asked the question, “Is keeping a clean home really the most important thing? Does it really bring glory to God when I’m stressing over how clean the house is instead of appreciating precious moments with my family?” These blogs caught my attention because I feel like recently my sole focus is making sure I accomplish everything on my list. I also feel like these things, especially having a clean home, come before pretty much anything else. It comes before my quiet time, it comes before sleep, and it comes before spending time with my husband. (Links to these blogs at the bottom of the page).
I now understand when my mom said dishes and laundry are never ending! As soon as I put everything in the dishwasher there is another cup in the sink. Or as soon as get all the laundry done there is another towel in the hamper and there are only two of us right now! I can’t imagine how it will be when we have kids! I think a good saying for these instances is, “If I didn’t laugh about it, I’d cry.” It is one of the most frustrating things that no matter how much or how often you clean there is always a mess somewhere! But the reason things can never stay perfectly clean is because a home is to be lived in. That’s the point of a home. No one wants to live in a place where you have to tiptoe around and be worried that you’ll get yelled at the second you move something from it’s spot. I found this quote and, although we don’t have kids yet, I think it is a good thing to keep in mind!
It is true that memories go along with messes. If you’re sitting, not touching anything you are probably staring at a television, which doesn’t make for good memories with those you love. Some of my most precious memories come from family dinners, forts in the living room, baking sessions, jewelry making (sorry about the inch of beads that covered the floor, mom), and so on. I was so blessed to have a great role model when it came to a good balance as far as keeping a clean house, but also allowing us to live and have fun! My mom always allowed us to have toys out, to use the kitchen to make creations, to have friends over and sleep overs in the living room. Even if the messes did stress her out, she let us enjoy the moment and I think she enjoyed it too! But something she also did well was making sure we always knew whatever we made a mess of we had to help clean up! It wasn’t up to her to clean up our mess. Something my mom has told me multiple times, that has always stuck with me, is that when dad came home from work he liked to see that the house had been lived in while he was gone. He liked to see our crafts on the table and our jackets from playing outside lying in the entry way. He was never one of those men who expected perfection in any way, but especially when it came to a clean home, and I am thankful to have a husband who is the same way. That being said, my mom always did a great job of making sure the house was clean! But her ability to allow us to live and to make messes is something I am thankful for.
I take pride in keeping a clean/organized house and doing other things like making sure we always have enough food. It makes me feel better and allows me to relax when I know our home is clean and everything on my list is done. I believe, doing these things is the way I take care of my little family while my husband is out providing for us financially. But, what I don’t want, is for my type A personality to get in the way of enjoying life and making memories because I’m so focused on the list and, specifically, on the mess something will make.
Last night, around 10pm, Colton decided he wanted to bake something Fall-ish. So he asked me to help. My first thought was, “I am so tired and, ugh! I don’t want to clean up the kitchen again!” But I agreed so we found a recipe, went to the store, came home and began baking. We made Pumpkin squares and cream cheese icing from scratch! As you can imagine, making those things takes a lot of ingredients and utensils. When we first started baking I found myself stressing over how many utensils we were getting out and the flour that was being dumped on my newly mopped floors. I was so frustrated that I wasn’t enjoying this thing that meant so much to my husband and could be such fun! I ended up telling him that the mess was really stressing me out because I had spent the whole day making sure the house was perfectly clean and I really wanted to go to sleep with it still looking that way. And, also, I really didn’t have the energy to clean it again that night. Thankfully, Colt took what I said to heart and made a real effort to clean as he went along. I realized the dirty kitchen was totally worth it when Colt looked at me at one point and said, “Thank you so much for doing this with me. It means a lot.” I was glad that I did realize how silly it was for me to not enjoy the time with my husband simply because of the mess I as going to have to clean up. I wish I had had that attitude about it the whole time.
I say all of this to challenge you all, and to challenge myself, to be more realistic about your expectations as far as keeping a perfectly clean home and accomplishing everything on your list every day. Chances are, your family won’t care one bit if they have to have grilled cheese for dinner because you were spending time with them instead of going to the store. And will your husband really care that the laundry hamper didn’t get emptied today? When you have chances to invest in the lives of your family, throw the list out the window and do just that!
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